I recently finished Mindy Kaling’s book, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?, and I was obsessed with every word. The girl is hilarious. Besides being funny, she definitely pulled at some heart strings too. There is a chapter in her book where she references marriage and there were two paragraphs in particular that I just started crying as soon as I read them (I’m ridiculously emotional like that). The first was:
“I don’t want to hear about the endless struggles to keep sex exciting or the work it takes to plan a date night. I want to hear that you guys watch every episode of the Bachelorette together in secret shame, or that one got the other hooked on Breaking Bad and if either watches it without the other, they’re dead meat. I want to see you guys high-five each other like teammates on a recreational softball team you both do for fun. I want to hear about it because I know it’s possible, and because I want it for myself.”
I mean, come on. Here’s a girl straight up saying that she wants what I have. That statement alone should make me want to stop complaining about my marriage and remember that life should be happy every day because I’m able to spend it with my best friend. Now I’m not someone who bitches about being married necessarily, but we all have those moments where we irritate the crap out of each other…him breathing too loudly, me slurping my cereal…
Reading those words reminds me that at some point you and this one other person decided that each other was all either of you wanted. If it was you two against the world, that was okay because he was the only person you wanted on your team. Not only will you create a world together, but, if your like my husband and me, you already have your own little world that you live in and as long as he’s there and your there then nothing else matters.
Yes, there are times that you forget the vows that you said or the first butterflies he gave you, but push through the day to day grind and you’ll realize that underneath the bills, the sex, the job search, the family drama…all that matters is having those few hours at the end of the day where you can both bitch about how the couple on HGTV just needs to get over the paint color on the walls and buy the freaking house. (I know we’re not the only ones doing that)
I often find myself thinking “Ughh if Taylor and I could just be at the beach together right now then life would be perfect.” Or…”Take me back to the Pacific Northwest and that perfect vacation where the only thing we worried about was the ipod playlist.” Then I realize that it’s not like I wish for those things because those are the only times we’re happy together, it’s just because those are the times where we have nothing to do but be together. Whether I’m on a beach or on our couch, I’m just happiest when I’m with him. I think that’s what Mindy was trying to convey as her hope for marriage.
The second time she got me bawling was with this:
“Married people, it’s up to you. It’s entirely on your shoulders to keep this sinking institution afloat. It’s a stately old ship, and a lot of people, like me want to get on board. Please be psyched, and convey that psychedness to us. And always remember: so many, many people are envious of what you have. You’re the star at the end of the Shakespearean play, wearing the wreath of flower in your hair. The rest of us are just the little side characters.”
She’s right. I can’t believe how blessed I am to have found my soulmate so early in life, or at all. I take her challenge to help save this somewhat sinking ship that is marriage. I chose to do life with this one person and enter into an institution that I myself have been skeptical of. Marriage can be scary, hell it fails 50% of the time, and believe me coming from someone who’s parents divorced after 29 years together, yeah seeing something like that can jade you on the idea of marriage. I never want to think of it as giving something up. I just think of it as having your best friend by your side for the rest of your life, because the alternative to that, to me, is just unacceptable.
So the next time your going to the bathroom and you reach over to the toilet paper and you realize that once again, he didn’t refill it after his last shoo-shoo…don’t freak out. We need to learn to rejoice more in our marriages. Or in the words of Mindy, “convey the psychedness” that we feel. It’s a good day when we know someone will forever have our back…and they know they have someone who will always replace the toilet paper. I’m pretty sure that is, after all, what marriage is all about.